I have worked full time whether full time or multiple part time gigs, for the most part, since I was 15, and now that I am suppose to be a sustaining adult I find myself jobless and feeling quite disconnected in this world.
A profession does little to define who we are as human beings, or the meaning that we contribute to and take from this world, but they sure do us justice as automobiles through life. To break it down to minuscule terms, like the beneficial pairing or grouping of plants: the fact that we are living beings, effects the other philodendrons, roses, potatoes and people we are living beings around. From what I gather from the population born before the T.V. Nanny, people interacted to survive, in more romantic terms. A job is the venue for interaction. Without jobs, or positions, or projects, or friends, or family, where do you go? Who do you regulate and be regulated by? I am not saying that I am Famliless or friendless. I have disconnected though, maybe to seek independence by backasswards means. I live in a small community, I know lots of people, I have lots of loving family members with lots of interests- So why, Aliesha so you feel so uninterested, so funky?
I think I could do the Barista thing again. A job that is mechanics, cooking, dance and performance stirred into steamed milk sounds pretty on par. The people you meet with this job are better than movie rental store people, small town sandwich joint people, AND credit union people. And it will be book store people! could mean pretentious a-holes mixed with consciousness seekers.
Who cares? It's a job.
I like to wonder.
Without that "job (role)" institution, be it odd jobs for folks who know folks I know, a position with a company or a specialist with a career and constant on going education, I find that I am too content living life like a hermit! A day rolls by and I clean the house, I chop fire wood, I sew or knit, I listen to music and stare at the wall, I wander to the post office or the library, I visit the beach. Play door man to the pets. But that's all that happens lately.
Living jobless brings the things I struggle with into light in such a way that I can no longer ignore them.
Socialization. Even people with crap for social stamina and or interest get lonely for and curious about other people, and where they stand with them.When I get an opportunity, I leave feeling unpracticed and ineffective.
Spontaneity. Too often do I assume the worst and run with it into my cave! With out a position that I have previously obliged myself to fulfill, any opportunity I seem to face outside of my regular routine is met with "I don't know, leave me alone!"
My moody swings of pent up energy and claustrophobic boredom- feeding the depression/anxiety monster.
Jungian archetypes consider one part of the psyche as the shadow self being illustrated as the "bad" or confusing and hurtful or just plain unknown and creepy hidden parts of the personality. I feel like in this time of my life the shadow me is coming well out of the shadows and walking around in my ego's shoes!What is this person I am? Eww.
I took a good long walk on the beach with the dog buddies this evening and, of course, I feel less pile-o-poo and more human. There's a tension breaker in the jokes that the surf tells!
My "papa bear"/friend/"step-dad"/father has always told me that people like us just need to not sit around and stew in our brains. Some days that means going for a walk on the beach to see the way the clouds, sun and water all kind of melt together. Or it's a hike in the forest in the late summertime and maybe feel like you aren't sure at all where the heck you are, only to know the yum giggle of discovering a patch of dew kissed golden chanterelle mushrooms on the way to finding your way back! Sometimes it's a hard day's work, sometimes it's getting a good laugh in.
Sometimes a higher quality of life comes from wandering outside of it just a little, I guess.
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